Thursday, August 31, 2006

This is just stupid

Here's a terrifying product I recently stumbled upon while wasting valuable company time. This is what you get when you give internet access to people who live south of Illinois:


That's right. Biblical-themed pajamas. The website says that these putrid items are supposedly "inspired by Ephesians 6:10-18", which for those of you who aren't bible scholars apparently reads, "Lo, go forth and bilk the stupid out of their coin by presenting unto them cheap, gold-flecked sleeping garments."

It's about time someone made something like this. Because everyone knows that the Devil is most active at night, when you are slumbering peacefully in your bed. That's when he appears in a flash of brimstone, twirling his moustache and poking you with his pitchfork as he dances about in his red hoodie jumpsuit (although sometimes he chooses to look like George Burns).

But no more will your precious bag of puke and snot (read: child) be subjected to possible demonic possession, because he/she will be wearing the "helmet of salvation", woven from only the finest cheap shiny fabrics. Because if it's one thing Satan fears, it's silver lame'. He thinks it's just the tackiest stuff on earth, and he shrieks and runs away in a mincing fashion when he sees it. The set also comes with a sword. And a coloring book.

The website was considerate enough to include a handy "salvation" link that you can click on in order to save yourself from being eternally consigned to the fires of perdition. Start clicking, sinners! I'm praying for all of you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It turns out, you don't actually get a sword. You get a bible that they call a sword of the spirit. Kids aren't going to play with a bible. I also thought it ironic that you wear a Roman-looking helmet. Just like the people that killed Christ. Awesome. Well done, Southerners. My only hope is that these fine garments are brought to us from some third-world sweatshop.

Jamie Baker said...

if these can stop you from wetting the bed I might get some for myself.

Kevin Cannon said...

Why stop at pajamas? Why not just make your kids wear that get-up all day. See if Christwear can stop seventh grade fists.