Happy Birthday, Dracula!

Venerable British actor Christopher Lee turns 86 today. He's cool.

Things I did over the last 10 days insead of blogging

I started and halfway completed a large backyard landscaping project. Tore out some vile buck thorn trees, replaced them with arborvidaes, dug holes with a pickax, etc.

I drove to Nebraska with the wife and boy to visit relatives for a couple of days.

I skillfully ducked jury duty.

I read.

I worked on an oil painting of Klaus Kinski.

I worked on a King Kong model.

Things I didn't do? I didn't blog, check email much or think about advertising.

I tell ya, that last one was especially sweet.

The Garden Yeti is here

I came home the other night to find a large box that looked like it might contain a small dishwasher or a dorm-room mini-fridge sitting on my front steps. A closer examination of said box revealed the following:


Outstanding - my Garden Yeti had arrived. I always liked this item and had blogged about it previously, but was hesitant to pony up the $100. But then I figured that I had to do my part to stimulate the economy, so what the hey. Anyway, this thing is big (over 28" high) and very cool. How big and how cool? Here are some pics.


The Garden Yeti is about as tall as a sitting, panting 75-lb dog.



The Garden Yeti is taller than a 4.2 month-old baby that is being stretched.



The Garden Yeti is very well made. Lots of detail, sturdy, etc.



The Garden Yeti stalks the bucolic, mid-century hamlet of Saint Anthony Village.

Is your yard lacking that certain panache'? Then be original and think of something else to put in your yard. But if you want to lazily copy me, you can order yours here.

"It used to be a gentleman's business. Now it's a horse orgy!"

So sayeth an aging copywriter about the changing face of advertising circa 1961 in Chip Kidd's fine new novel "The Learners." A sequel to Kidd's first book "The Cheese Monkey's", this tale finds the protagonist 'Happy' graduated from college and pursuing a position at the small Connecticut advertising agency that a design teacher he admired once worked at.



If you didn't know, Mr. Kidd is a much-sought-after (and understandably so) designer of book covers. His wide-range of work is impressive in that he has no discernible style, other than the fact that his covers are always well thought out conceptually and extremely well-executed. He doesn't force his personality on the work, nor does he always use one style of font, or always use illustration, or a rigid grid approach, or what have you. He designs something appropriate for the project at hand, which needs to be different from the solution that came before. Seemingly simple, but a task many designers utterly fail at. I guess a "style" is fine, but at some point there must be an acceptance that you are in service of the project and not the other way around.

Anyway, as highly as I think of Kidd's design sensibilities, I was admittedly a tad suspicious when I heard he was coming out with a novel back in 2002. But as it turns out, "The Cheese Monkeys" was an entertaining book with a particular kind of energy and wit that I enjoyed. The fact I went to art school (with all the good and bad that such an endeavor entails) and that the book was about the same thing no doubt helped, but the book was still rich enough in detail and characterization that anyone would most likely find it entertaining.

So I was interested in this sequel, and found it to be pretty darned good. The book was by turns humorous, dark, slight and deep, and successfully tied together a lot of themes such as:

The struggle of giving a shit and having taste when plying one's trade.

How the thumb of authority can change one's behavior in unexpected ways.

What is the proper way to advertise shoes or potato chips?

The death of the illustrator and the ascendancy of photography.

The emerging roles of metaphor, wit and irony in the changing face of communication.

It's also very-well designed, and laid out in a way that helps subtly communicate the book's themes without being overwhelming. I should also mention that, generally speaking, it's pretty funny. It's good stuff. Check it out.

Another gem from The Onion AV Club comments

This one is from a talkback for the McSweeney's novel "Arkansas" by John Brandon (a solid debut novel, btw), which is about people who just sorta fall into drug-dealing. The comment was posted by "Teenager" in response to talkbackers debating the notion of people turning to crime out of boredom, and goes like this.

I am from a town without cool bars and a shitty music scene.

I wouldn't turn to crime, but I do think about it a lot.

I know other people do too. I know this because GTA4 is selling exceptionally well.

Well said, Teenager. You nailed the "no-holds-barred yet consequence-free" appeal of video games. Deep down, we all just want to whack a hooker in the head with a lead pipe. We're animals, or at least our avatars are.

Dude is old

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain is old (he's also ornery, but that's not what this is about). Just how old is he? He'll be 72 this August, meaning that if elected (god forbid) he would be 2 years older than Ronald Reagan was when he took office in 1981. Wow. I'm not sure I'd trust a 72 year-old to do much besides say "hello" to me on the rare occasion I saunter into a Wall Mart, let alone run my country. But as always, I'm sure I'll be in the minority on this matter.

Anyway, back to making fun of how old this guy is. It seems as if someone has saved us the trouble of keeping track of all the things that John McCain is older than. How thoughtful. It's quite a list, and you can find it here:

Thanks to the always gentlemanly Will Dinski for the heads up.

High-end crap

For a first-class-experience all the way, I suggest you make a sandwich using Buddig Select deli meats, wash it down with a bottle of Budweiser Brew Master Private Reserve, then top it off with a bowl of Blue Bunny Premium ice cream. That's how rich people who demand the best that life has to offer do it. Face it: that regular Buddig meat and Blue Bunny ice cream are for serfs, peons and suckers.

Let's all repeat the infinitively recursive poem/rhyme

My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street, they ask me my name and I say: My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street, they ask me my name and I say: My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street, they ask me my name and I say: My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin. I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street, they ask me my name and I say: My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin....

And so on, into infinity. Or madness. Whichever comes first.

I'm not sure why this popped into my head today, but it did. It was used by Kurt Vonnegut in "Slaughterhouse Five", although he didn't originally write it. It's origins are sketchy, although it may spring from Swedish immigrants arriving in the new world. Or it may just be one more retarded thing that springs from Wisconsin.

Thus endeth today's public service message.

On tonight's episode of "Hunter"

Dee Dee (Stepfanie Kramer) goes undercover as a hooker.

Next week: Dee Dee (Stepfanie Kramer) goes undercover as a hooker.

All Dee Dee ever did was go undercover as a hooker. Don't believe me? Then check out the below clip, wherein Dee Dee is clearly undercover as a hooker not once, but twice in the opening credits alone (And no, those aren't typos above - she really spelled her name "Stepfanie").



More Dee Dee-as-Hooker proof.



And yes, because a rabid public demanded it,
here is a link to a whole bunch of "Hunter" fan fiction. Enjoy.

BIgfoot sighting re-enactment

This is good. There's this dude who claims to have spotted Bigfoot in his apartment buildings parking lot. Here's his terrifyingly real drawing of the beast (and no, he's not 6 years old).



So although this guy can't draw a lick, he apparently has some computer skills, and set up this well-worth-your-time re-enactment on his website. Go forth and click through the story. You'll be glad you did.

More weird food

Here is a gaggle of OctoDogs relaxing in a bed of relish. Although the more common octopi are generally considered to be loners, these OctoDogs seem to thrive in groups / pods / swarms. Interesting.

Get your OctoDog-creating apparatus here, and watch previously dull mealtimes roar to rollicking life in your household.

Thanks to Analog Pop for the tip.

"Zesty"? No. "Flavorful'? Not quite. "Groin-crushing"? Yeah, that's it.

Here's a bag of Japanese Doritos. Looks delicious, but I think I'll stick with 'Cool Ranch' or the destroys-all-comers 'Taco' flavor.

This Friday is going to be awesome

Why? Because I'm going to take a long lunch and go see "Iron Man."
But the sweetness doesn't stop there. No sir. Because that night I'm also going to go to the spectacular Heights Cinema (conveniently located near the blogfoot compound), where they are celebrating their 80th anniversary with a brand new 35mm print of "Planet of the Apes."
So suck it, non-nerds.

Well, excuse' moi

I've received a couple of emails now from loyal blogfoot readers / wiseacres telling me that they tried to translate my German-language review of the Kraftwerk concert via Babelfish and that while it did translate to English, it was stilted English that didn't make complete sense.

Well, I don't know what to tell you. I wrote my review in English, went to the Babelfish site and translated it into German, then pasted that translation in my blogger browser. Why is it not working in reverse? Beats me. That said, here is the gist of my review, now properly translated:

The concert was cool.

For those of you that are unhappy with how my clever German trick played out, I have but one thing to say to you. In the spirit of this post, it is an old Russian phrase my dad used to say to my brother and I when, as youngsters, we would express concerns about the unfairness of life. And that phrase is this: Tough shitski.

Kraftwerk war hervorragend

So wurden ein Freund und ich herauf das Gehen, Kraftwerk dieses Wochenende zu sehen fertig, wie es es war nicht geisteskrank kostspielig an allen, aber war anstatt angemessene $35.00 ausfällt. Und wie war es?

Ausgezeichnet. Es war ein Angriff auf den Richtungen. Die "Phasen" Versionen der Liede hatten mehr Schnäpper als die notierten Versionen, waren die Sichtbarmachungen eindrucksvoll, hatte alles gerade die rechte Menge von Stimmung, und ich ging weg mit einem kühlen blauen T-Shirt mit dem Autobahnschnellstraßezeichen auf ihm.

Wenn sie folgender Monat kamen, würde ich nicht gehe sehe sie wieder zögern. Zu irgendwelchen unserer Denver Leser, spielen sie heute abend am Fillmore Auditorium. Ich empfehle es in hohem Grade.

Eagle vs Goat

A story as old as time itself.



I'm going live my life avoiding golden eagles as much as humanly possible. I recommend you all do the same. They'd probably attack a mid-size car if the opportunity presented itself.

Bigfoot rejects your ironic request for "Freebird"

Presenting the Bigfoot guitar, as seen at Cryptomundo. Looks perfect for cranking out some Mountain or Molly Hatchet.

Something I've always wanted to do, pt. 2

So the wife and I had another couple over for dinner Sunday night. And what I'd like to do someday is this: when the other couple arrives for dinner, I would like to have some porn playing on the TV, with the sound off. As with the job interview/long crap scenario, I would make no mention of the porn of the TV, nor would I ever look in the direction of the screen. It would just be on, soundlessly playing porn, kind of like a porn fish tank, as we drank wine and shared small talk. Someday....

Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

From the Onion News Network (The Onion, but with less reading. Linked on The Onion site). Good stuff.


Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

Not bad, but it doesn't hold a candle to "Marley & Me"

I just picked up designer Stefan Sagmeister's new book "Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far", and after spending but a day constantly monkeying with it, reading it and looking at it, I must declare it to not only be a beautiful object and interesting read, but perhaps even a work of genius.

But is it a book? Sorta. It's more of a box comprised of 15 booklets housed in a die-cut slipcase. Each time you take out a booklet, the cover image changes. It's awesome, and everyone who has seen the case on my desk can't help but pick it up and slowly experiment with it. Each booklet uses different images and materials (everything from hot dogs to cactus and large inflatable monkeys) to enact large-scale typographic executions that illustrate statements Sagmeister has jotted down in his diary over the years such as “Worrying solves nothing” and “Trying to look good limits my life", all to interesting and frequently stunning effect.

This publication has officially been given the much sought-after "Blogfoot Blue-Ribbon Medal of Honor", bestowed on but a precious few projects that display an unwavering dedication to giving a shit via a level of skill, craft and ingenuity above and beyond the call of even the most unreasonably high expectations.

Here's pixel-ey video demonstrating the various cover shenanigans:

Something I've always wanted to do

This fantasy involves a job interview. I've always wanted to show up for a job interview and once I meet the person who will be interviewing me, immediately ask if they have a restroom I could use. I would then excuse myself and go into the bathroom for a good 10 minutes or so, keeping the person waiting and making them think I was taking a nice, long crap. Once I exited the bathroom I would make no mention of the fact that I had been gone for 10 minutes, kept them waiting, or anything. I would just say something like, "So - where were we?"

I really want to do this someday.

What the world, needs now, is - yet another blurry, inconclusive photo of what is supposed to be a Bigfoot-type creature.

Torn from today's headlines (or maybe yesterdays, or perhaps even last weeks) over at Loren Coleman's fine Cryptomundo blog is a photo from Australia purported to be of a Bigfoot. Except down under they call such creatures "the Yowie", and according to the lavish book cover art they show on the site, they apparently have 3 toes and dine on kangaroos. Maybe they ride into battle on the backs of great white sharks, too. Who knows.


Anyway, as you can plainly see (click to embiggen), something blurry, most likely a tree stump, is off in the distance. Chilling? Thought Provoking? Eyeball straining? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Consistency is key

So sometimes I like to read the talkback forums in the "AV Club" section of The Onion's website, because there's some funny stuff in there. And yesterday I was perusing the talkback on an Anna Paquin interview that I hadn't bothered to read (I just went right to the comments, as I frequently do when the subject doesn't thrill me that much). Most of them were dudes saying how they'd like to bang her, rendered with various degrees of wit. Then one maestro chimed in with this:

DONGS
by Dongs
You should have asked her about dongs.

I don't know if the author spent a long time crafting this or just dashed it off in a bolt of furious inspiration, and I don't care. I'm just glad it exists.