Thursday, February 22, 2007

Chivalry is not dead in Wisconsin. ( Or, "Unhand thy wand, base villain!" )

From the savage, untamed land of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, comes a tale of a chivalrous deed gone awry. A Mr. James Van Iveren, slayer of beasts and a man who treads the earth beneath his sandled feet, was sitting in his castle with his crown perched upon
a troubled brow, when he heard a woman screaming in the apartment above. Like any sensible barbarian / brigand, he grabbed his sword, bounded up the steps and kicked the door down, girding his loins for the battle that was to come. Instead of a maiden in the clutches of an evil wizard however, he found a man sitting on the floor watching a porn DVD.

Now Van Iveren is being charged with criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon. Crom! The indignity!

You can read more details of this story here. Turns out the sword was actually a calvary sword, but I'm going to keep pretending it was a broadsword. Barbarians are much more interesting than the calvary.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Monster / Creature Fest!

Friend o' Blogfoot and comic creator extrordinaire Sam Hiti (a man who goes through ink like the good ol' U.S.A. consumes fossil fuels) is having a big monster rumble over at his website, encouraging all visitors to create their own quick monster drawing and send it in, wherein some kind of contest will ensue. Sam has lots of talented friends, so there's plenty of purty pictures to look at. Below is my submission which I drew during lunch - a terrifying depiction of a Cyclopian Ed Asner. I don't think I'm going to win.

I like the cut of this guy's jib

I was doing some online research about early Roman civilization for some gut-busting radio spots I will soon be unleashing upon the airwaves, and I followed some thread about philosphers of the time. In particular, I found one to be interesting: Diogenes. The accompanying blurb reveals him to be one wacky fellow.

"DIOGENES: A Greek philosopher who believed that civilization was a fundamentally a lie and that life was optimally led without possessions. He lived in an old wine barrel outside Athens, defaced money, masturbated in the middle of the business district, tormented Plato and excreted anywhere at any time."

I think GG Allin swiped Diogenes' act. The masturbating in the business district and excreting anywhere at any time are all well and good, but I find myself focusing on the "tormented Plato" part. What did this tormenting entail? Did Diogenes light a match between Plato's toes? Did he rig a bucket of flour above Plato's door so that when he came out it spilled on him? I need details.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The blogging muse is not upon me

I don't know what to say. Or what to blog about, either. I took a little time off, and now I seem to have lost my zest / zeal /ardor for it. My blog needs to put on some sexy lengerie to get me interested again.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Step 1: Turn the volume of your computer up. Way up.

Step 2: Click on this link.

Step 3: Enjoy

R.I.P. Dan Cortese

No, he's not dead. But the former host of "MTV Sports", who was inexplicably able to parlay that dubious gig into acting jobs that allowed him to hang around Hollywood long past his expiration date on shows like "Melrose Place", "Veronica's Closet" and other fine programming hasn't been poisoning the airwaves with his presence for the past couple of years, which is good enough for me.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I would like to blog. But forces beyond my control, and indeed my comprehension, are preventing said blogging from occurring.

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. I had a good head of steam going lately, too. The reason? What else? I'm super-busy at work, besieged at every turn for genre-bending ideas and scintillating prose.
I thought about going to youtube and entering "goat" and posting whatever I found, but even that would take more time than I have to spare. I'm considering taking a page from the crazy astronaut woman kidnappers book and wearing a diaper to maximize my time more efficiently. I'll be back in the next day or two.

Friday, February 02, 2007

A pleasant way to while away the hours

Here's a nice little video loop for you to stare at. Feel the seconds turn into minutes, the minutes turning into hours, the hours turning into's hypnotic...the Zapruder film of my generation.