"His tie is askew. His third-day shirt has ring-around-the-collar. His thick, wavy clump of hair overhangs eyes screwed tight in a lopsided squint, a brow that is permanently furrowed and a leathery puss smudged with unshaven stubble...he looks like an ambulatory cypress stump in baggy brown pants. And the raincoat. The raincoat is an oversized, unhung affair in the last stages of decomposition, scarred and seasoned with the grease of a thousand fingers."
Who chisled out this mighty prose that so deftly paints such an evocative portrait of a protagonist? Steinbeck? Faulkner? No, although you could be forgiven for thinking so. It was written by a titan named Alfred Lawrence in 1972, and is excerpted from "Columbo #1", a paperback novelization of a "Columbo" episode I recently bought in Denver for a quarter. "Columbo" was a fine show for its time, and I look forward to reading the read of the 126-page tome (the excerpt above is the 1st paragraph of the book! Talk about starting with a bang).
My favorite part? That's easy: "...he looks like an ambulatory cypress stump in baggy brown pants." Beautiful.
Courtesy of the fine folks at American National Enterprises circa 1972:
It's a thing of beauty - everything viewed through a rich, golden-brown hue. And I love the part at the 2:30 mark when some old-timer decides to fire up his chainsaw right in the middle of an interview.
These were the kind of films that fired my young interest in the subject. Sadly, part 2 hasn't been posted yet. Hopefully soon.
A designer here at work just sent me this jpg of a bear making muscles and reveling in all it's bear power. I like it. In fact, I want this on a t-shirt, too. So whichever loyal Blogfoot reader is currently making my free, high-quality Marty Feldman t-shirt, go ahead and whip up a tee with this image as well. Print it in gold ink on a brown athletic fit shirt (no box around the bear is necessary, just the image floating), and while you're at it you might as well open the file in photoshop real quick so you can get rid of the bear's camel toe. Thanks.
I've gotta say, I'm pretty underwhelmed with the slim choices of Marty Feldman t-shirts available to today's consumer. You'd think in the year 2008 that when you've decided that you would like some garb adorned with the strange visage of the bug-eyed English comedian and Google "Marty Feldman t-shirt," that a veritable avalanche of choices would come your way. But you'd be wrong. The selection is really quite slim, ranging from a blurry, obviously unlicensed shot of him as Eye-gor in "Young Frankenstein" on a white Hanes Beefy-T (the lamest of all t-shirts, they are as thick and itchy as burlap and shrink in length yet grow wider with each washing), and an all-type treatment that says "I heart Marty Feldman." That's it. Two crummy options in the whole world.
Lame. Unacceptable. Outrageous.
All I want is an American Apparel colored t-shirt (in blue, maybe gold) with the below image on it, and no type.
How did I come into possession of this jewel? Well, after my blog post about Ted Cassidy, my thoughts naturally turned to other giant actors, which led me to the website of Richard Kiel, who portrayed the hulking, steel-toothed villain "Jaws" in the James Bond films "The Spy Who Loved me" (1977) and "Moonraker" (1979).
I saw that he was selling autographed photos for $10 (not to mention he wrote a historical novel about abolitionist Cassius Clay and a book about how to sell your home in today's competitive marketplace!)) and decided to order one. When I came back from my week off I saw an envelope marked "Richard Kiel Fan Club" on my desk. I eagerly tore it open, but it contained the wrong photo, plus it was made out to Steve, which is not my name. Also included was a lengthy letter Mr Kiel wrote to the fan, hence the letterhead.
Due to privacy issues I'm not going to show the whole letter, and in fact have already forwarded it on to the correct person. But I gotta say, I was fairly impressed that Mr. Kiel would sit down and write a full-page, single-spaced letter to what the language shows is an ailing fan. He's a classy guy. A really huge, classy guy.
I'm going to have find a new route through the skyway, because the "fashion" displays at Macy's are really starting to grind my gears. First it was the docksides, and now this:
At first I thought it must be a Halloween costume, but no - it's only July. So they must really think that someone would be willing to saunter around like this. And just what is that pattern on the shorts, you ask? Why it's seagulls. How jaunty! Paired with tie and white belt, it's the perfect summer ensemble for getting punched in the cock.