Unfortunately, you have to sit through the Ultimate Fighting commercial to get to the crow video. Grandpa was right when he said "There ain't no such thing as free soup."
I would credit Double Viking for the video, but their giant superimposed logo already lingers over the screen during the entire thing.
***UPDATE*** Sorry, that video had to go. Now it was showing 2 Ultimate Fighting commercials before the crow video, plus it would start automatically every time the page loaded. What an ass pain.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
The Ballad of Ron Gallagher
If you're into cutting-edge comedy, you are no doubt familiar with the trailblazer known as Gallagher. If that name doesn't ring a bell, then allow me to deftly and with but a few bold strokes paint you a visual: he's the bald dude who sorta dresses like mime and smashes watermelons with a sledgehammer. And until Carrot Top's huge freckled arms wrested his crown away, he was the most popular prop comic ever.
And just in case I failed utterly in coaxing forth a visual from your addled brains, here he is (note: finding a nice establishing shot of this guy took about 7.8 times longer than you would think, because if you google "Gallagher" you mostly get pictures of the band Oasis):
And here is a description of his act, via wikipedia:
His signature sketch is the “Sledge-O-Matic,” a large wooden mallet that Gallagher uses to smash a variety of objects, including computer keyboards, containers of cottage cheese, cartons of chocolate milk tubes of toothpaste, pound cake ("I guess it does"), Big Macs, and, most famously, watermelons. Given the messy nature of this portion of his act, it is usually saved for the finale of his shows. Show attendees in the first two or three rows are usually provided with plastic sheeting for protection, and many fans bring their own additional protection (raincoats, umbrellas, and so on). Gallagher performs other prop-food gags including a demonstration of constipation using a jar of Jif peanut butter and an explanation of the difference between men and women using a sausage wrapped in a banana peel.
Can you imagine? The difference between men and women illustrated via a sausage wrapped in a banana peel? Stop - my side hurts!
So what, you say? How ballsy, picking on Gallagher? Normally you'd be right, and have senor Blogfoot at a loss. But not today. For keen readers will note that the title of this post is "The Ballad of Ron Gallagher." And the Gallagher we have been talking about is actually named Leo Gallagher. So what gives?
An epic tale of familial strife and betrayal to rival anything that ever leapt forth from Shakespeare's quill, that what gives.
You see, our famous comedian Leo Gallagher had a brother named Ron. Ron was unemployed. But one day Ron had an idea. And that idea was this (take it away, wikipedia):
At some point during the early 1990s, Gallagher’s younger brother Ron Gallagher asked Gallagher for permission to perform shows using Gallagher’s old routines, and also using Gallagher’s trademark Sledge-O-Matic routine. The idea was that Ron Gallagher, who was unemployed, would tour the country working small venues that couldn’t afford a show put on by Gallagher himself. Since Ron bears a strong familial resemblance to his older brother, the show would be almost like having a real Gallagher show.
Gallagher granted his blessing to his younger brother on the condition that Ron and his manager would make it clear in their promotional materials that it was Ron Gallagher, not Gallagher himself, that was putting on the show.
After a few years of complying with Gallagher’s conditions, Ron began blurring the line between his act and that of his brother. He would often promote his act as “Gallagher Too,” a moniker Gallagher felt was insufficiently informative. In some instances, Ron’s act was promoted in a way that provided no clue to prospective attendees that they were seeing someone other than Gallagher himself.
Gallagher initially attempted to get his brother to stop these activities by requesting that he stop using Gallagher’s well-known Sledge-O-Matic routine. These efforts proved futile, and Ron kept touring as “Gallagher Too” while using the Sledge-O-Matic routine his older brother had made famous. Consequently, in August 2000, Gallagher sued his brother for trademark violations and false advertising. The courts ultimately sided with Leo Gallagher, and an injunction was granted prohibiting Ron from performing any act that impersonates his brother in small clubs and venues.
During the lawsuit, all of Gallagher’s immediate family sided with Ron over the controversy. As a consequence, Gallagher is now estranged from his parents and siblings.
Wow. Now that my friends is what they call drama. Good ol' sturm and drang, doled out in fist-sized chunks. Just for comparisons sake, here is the real Gallagher:
And here is Ron (This picture was fairly hard to locate. Ron is apparently like Bigfoot, in that he he skillfully avoids being photographed):
You can see why the ploy worked. What would really be awesome is if Ron previously had no moustache, and in fact hated moustaches and thought they were dumb, but had to grow one in order to make coin off his brother.
I first read about this years ago, and somehow forgot about it. Then some co-workers and I were discussing Gallagher a couple of weeks ago and and a little research brought it all rushing back. Anyway - I'm sold. I want to make a movie about this saga. Even an "American Movie"-style documentary would be fine. I've already got the logo figured out. This could use some love, but the idea is basically this:
If you really wanted to get all conceptually crazy you could have the type sitting on a mass of pulped watermelon or something like that. Someone get going on refining that gem of an idea, and I'll look into camera rentals. At the very least we should be able to get a grant for a play out of this sordid tale.
And just in case I failed utterly in coaxing forth a visual from your addled brains, here he is (note: finding a nice establishing shot of this guy took about 7.8 times longer than you would think, because if you google "Gallagher" you mostly get pictures of the band Oasis):
And here is a description of his act, via wikipedia:
His signature sketch is the “Sledge-O-Matic,” a large wooden mallet that Gallagher uses to smash a variety of objects, including computer keyboards, containers of cottage cheese, cartons of chocolate milk tubes of toothpaste, pound cake ("I guess it does"), Big Macs, and, most famously, watermelons. Given the messy nature of this portion of his act, it is usually saved for the finale of his shows. Show attendees in the first two or three rows are usually provided with plastic sheeting for protection, and many fans bring their own additional protection (raincoats, umbrellas, and so on). Gallagher performs other prop-food gags including a demonstration of constipation using a jar of Jif peanut butter and an explanation of the difference between men and women using a sausage wrapped in a banana peel.
Can you imagine? The difference between men and women illustrated via a sausage wrapped in a banana peel? Stop - my side hurts!
So what, you say? How ballsy, picking on Gallagher? Normally you'd be right, and have senor Blogfoot at a loss. But not today. For keen readers will note that the title of this post is "The Ballad of Ron Gallagher." And the Gallagher we have been talking about is actually named Leo Gallagher. So what gives?
An epic tale of familial strife and betrayal to rival anything that ever leapt forth from Shakespeare's quill, that what gives.
You see, our famous comedian Leo Gallagher had a brother named Ron. Ron was unemployed. But one day Ron had an idea. And that idea was this (take it away, wikipedia):
At some point during the early 1990s, Gallagher’s younger brother Ron Gallagher asked Gallagher for permission to perform shows using Gallagher’s old routines, and also using Gallagher’s trademark Sledge-O-Matic routine. The idea was that Ron Gallagher, who was unemployed, would tour the country working small venues that couldn’t afford a show put on by Gallagher himself. Since Ron bears a strong familial resemblance to his older brother, the show would be almost like having a real Gallagher show.
Gallagher granted his blessing to his younger brother on the condition that Ron and his manager would make it clear in their promotional materials that it was Ron Gallagher, not Gallagher himself, that was putting on the show.
After a few years of complying with Gallagher’s conditions, Ron began blurring the line between his act and that of his brother. He would often promote his act as “Gallagher Too,” a moniker Gallagher felt was insufficiently informative. In some instances, Ron’s act was promoted in a way that provided no clue to prospective attendees that they were seeing someone other than Gallagher himself.
Gallagher initially attempted to get his brother to stop these activities by requesting that he stop using Gallagher’s well-known Sledge-O-Matic routine. These efforts proved futile, and Ron kept touring as “Gallagher Too” while using the Sledge-O-Matic routine his older brother had made famous. Consequently, in August 2000, Gallagher sued his brother for trademark violations and false advertising. The courts ultimately sided with Leo Gallagher, and an injunction was granted prohibiting Ron from performing any act that impersonates his brother in small clubs and venues.
During the lawsuit, all of Gallagher’s immediate family sided with Ron over the controversy. As a consequence, Gallagher is now estranged from his parents and siblings.
Wow. Now that my friends is what they call drama. Good ol' sturm and drang, doled out in fist-sized chunks. Just for comparisons sake, here is the real Gallagher:
And here is Ron (This picture was fairly hard to locate. Ron is apparently like Bigfoot, in that he he skillfully avoids being photographed):
You can see why the ploy worked. What would really be awesome is if Ron previously had no moustache, and in fact hated moustaches and thought they were dumb, but had to grow one in order to make coin off his brother.
I first read about this years ago, and somehow forgot about it. Then some co-workers and I were discussing Gallagher a couple of weeks ago and and a little research brought it all rushing back. Anyway - I'm sold. I want to make a movie about this saga. Even an "American Movie"-style documentary would be fine. I've already got the logo figured out. This could use some love, but the idea is basically this:
If you really wanted to get all conceptually crazy you could have the type sitting on a mass of pulped watermelon or something like that. Someone get going on refining that gem of an idea, and I'll look into camera rentals. At the very least we should be able to get a grant for a play out of this sordid tale.
Oh yeah, I have a blog
Kinda forgot there for a while, it being the holidays and all. But I'm back on the case. I'm now going to scour my notes for some grist to post.
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Chuck Cunningham of advertising
I'm wrapping up my last week or so at my agency, and today we had the third of a series of big presentations for a re-launch of a soda brand for a large soft-drink magnate (hint: #2). I was the CD / copywriter on the account, and wrote everything. But for round 3, due to my leaving, I was not included. I led the round 1 and round 2 presentations, and had gone to research groups and strategy sessions with the client, but have to assume that no mention was made of my absence. I was simply not there anymore. Maybe it occurred to someone, but most likely went unexpressed. Just like Mr. Chuck Cunningham, booted uncermoniously from "Happy Days" after it's debut season. Then again, at least Chuck was given the back story of being given a college basketball scholarship, which would partially explain his absence to viewers willing to fill in the blanks.
Speaking of Chuck Cunningham, did you know that he was played by two different actors during the one season he was allowed to exist in the "Happy Days" universe? It's true. he was played by both Gavan O'Herlihy and Randolph Roberts, household names both. Even sweeter, Mr. O' Herlihy (Hmmm...Irish perhaps?) went on to play the reverse-mohawked gang leader in "Death Wish 3," one of the finest movies of all time as far as the blogfoot staff is concerned. It's a small world, as they say.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Vintage pacifist science fiction
No conquering. Just wondering. I have no ray-gun or other futuristic weapon, so do not fear - you will not be reduced to a smoldering pile of grue. I just want to contemplate my alien surroundings for a while. To sit here in my spacesuit and genuflect, and look back on a life of challenges met, goals achieved, and opportunities lost.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I was like a hyena
Before: a 48 oz double porterhouse
After: a large bone
This gastronomic assault was perpetrated at Manny's here in Minneapolis, a venerable steakhouse. Being fancy, they had no "I Ate All 48 oz's" t-shirt to reward me with, but our waiter was impressed enough to bequeath unto me a Manny's servers jacket, which I wore with pride.
*Special Blogfoot tip: when you give notice at your job and are in the last week or so of servitude, but sure to tag along for a free dinner with the client and order the $100 steak. I promise you that afterward you will swell with pride. And meat.
After: a large bone
This gastronomic assault was perpetrated at Manny's here in Minneapolis, a venerable steakhouse. Being fancy, they had no "I Ate All 48 oz's" t-shirt to reward me with, but our waiter was impressed enough to bequeath unto me a Manny's servers jacket, which I wore with pride.
*Special Blogfoot tip: when you give notice at your job and are in the last week or so of servitude, but sure to tag along for a free dinner with the client and order the $100 steak. I promise you that afterward you will swell with pride. And meat.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
What the?
Here's a pic of old package of Kellogg's OKs, which according to the tagline on the box is a "Br-r-awny new cereal." At least it was when it was foisted upon a yawning public back in the 1950's.
That's all well and good. But I can't figure out what the story is with their mascot. Who is he? What is he? A friend and I studied his visage for a bit and came up with two possibilities.
The Kellogg's OKs mascot / character is:
A.) a Scottish Lumberjack Genie
B.) a Scottish Gypsy Hercules
The Tartan plaid present in the logo and his sash clearly indicate a Scottish bent. But the bells on the wristband, the rakishly open-collared shirt and pheasant feathers in a hat of indiscriminate regional origin defy any attempts to pin down this gent's backstory.
Them, in a bolt of inspiration and insight, I remembered that I was writing this on a computer that was linked up to the web. One google search later, we had our answer. This dude's name is...Big Otis. And this is what Big Otis is all about:
Big Otis is the brawny Scotsman who loves his sugar-coated oats. "I am the big oat man from Scotland. And OKs are made of oats. These new Kellogg's OKs are the biggest thing that's happen to Oats in 25 years. They are on their way to being the new favorite of kids and adults everywhere. Here's the meat of the oats in it's tenderest, tastiest form. Flavored as only Kellogg's knows how. OKs are rich in special oat protein. Aye, and OKs oats come to breakfast tasting better than you've ever imagined. They're K - E - Double L - O - Double Good!"
"Big Otis." I didn't know Otis was a Scottish name. If pressed I would have guessed that it had it's origins in the Ozarks or something. I guess you learn something new every day. And what of Big Otis? Well, within a couple years he was unceremoniously relieved of his spokesperson duties in favor of Yogi Bear, and consigned to the dustbin of history. Such is life in the cereal world.
That's all well and good. But I can't figure out what the story is with their mascot. Who is he? What is he? A friend and I studied his visage for a bit and came up with two possibilities.
The Kellogg's OKs mascot / character is:
A.) a Scottish Lumberjack Genie
B.) a Scottish Gypsy Hercules
The Tartan plaid present in the logo and his sash clearly indicate a Scottish bent. But the bells on the wristband, the rakishly open-collared shirt and pheasant feathers in a hat of indiscriminate regional origin defy any attempts to pin down this gent's backstory.
Them, in a bolt of inspiration and insight, I remembered that I was writing this on a computer that was linked up to the web. One google search later, we had our answer. This dude's name is...Big Otis. And this is what Big Otis is all about:
Big Otis is the brawny Scotsman who loves his sugar-coated oats. "I am the big oat man from Scotland. And OKs are made of oats. These new Kellogg's OKs are the biggest thing that's happen to Oats in 25 years. They are on their way to being the new favorite of kids and adults everywhere. Here's the meat of the oats in it's tenderest, tastiest form. Flavored as only Kellogg's knows how. OKs are rich in special oat protein. Aye, and OKs oats come to breakfast tasting better than you've ever imagined. They're K - E - Double L - O - Double Good!"
"Big Otis." I didn't know Otis was a Scottish name. If pressed I would have guessed that it had it's origins in the Ozarks or something. I guess you learn something new every day. And what of Big Otis? Well, within a couple years he was unceremoniously relieved of his spokesperson duties in favor of Yogi Bear, and consigned to the dustbin of history. Such is life in the cereal world.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
The secret to being happy
Actually, I don't know what the secret to being happy is. But I can tell what it is not. It is not zooming around the internet during your lunch hour and reading a bunch of articles about the economic crisis we are in and getting the creeping sensation that things are a lot worse than people are letting on. Just sayin'.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Things Mad Magazine has taught me, pt. 1
If you vomit, a fish skeleton is going to come flying out of your mouth, regardless if you've eaten fish or not.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Uncle Forry has gone to the grave
Forrest J. Ackerman, who entertained and influenced a legion of monster movie lovers via his seminal "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine throughout the 60's and 70's, has died in Los Angeles at the age of 92.
Ackerman, a childhood (and lifelong) friend of genre legends Ray Bradbury and Ray Harryhausen, is also generally credited with coining the term "sci-fi," and also famous for the huge collection of science fiction and horror movie props and memorabilia he amassed over the years, even letting fans come into his "Ackermansion" in Hollywood to check out the merchandise.
Ackerman launched "Famous Monsters" in 1958, and the black & white magazine, with it's awesomely painted covers (many by the master Basil Gogos), quickly became a favorite of young boys, and along with Saturday afternoon showings of horror movies on TV, spurred the horror boom of the time. The magazine featured stories about horror films, make-up and special effects and the actors featured in the films, exposing legends like Boris Karloff, Vincent Price and Bela Lugosi to a new generation of fans. It was very behind the scenes for the time and was pretty influential, with young fans including Stephen King, Rick Baker, John Landis and Steven Spielberg, among others.
It probably goes without saying that as a kid I thought this magazine ruled. Anytime I saw it at the store I would instantly pester my parents to buy it. Being a magazine it was more expensive than a comic book and thus was a tougher proposition, but I still managed to get my mitts on many issues, despite my mothers distaste of the lurid covers. And, true to form, I still have a nice little wrinkled stack of those same issues.
Dr. Acula (as he referred to himself in the mag; Ackerman loved puns) eventually managed to acquire over 300,000 items in his collection of memorabilia, and he had awesome stuff - including Lugosi's Dracula cape, Mr. Spock's ears, a martian ship from "war of the Worlds," stop-motion armatures from "King Kong" and "Mighty Joe Young" and even the paper plate used by Ed Wood as a flying saucer in 'Plan 9 From Outer Space." Holy cow.
Ackerman spent his later years giving tours of his house, but also sadly fighting for the ownership rights of his magazine, because some dickhead / ass-face partner of his that came aboard in the late 80's managed to swindle them away from him. Regardless, he was without a doubt a seminal influence on the genre and early force in establishing the now-familiar concept of "fandom." His passing is a sad occasion to genre fans, and he will be missed.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Zzzzzz..huh...wuzzat?
As I'm writing this I'm sitting in a Chicago office building watching focus groups talk about soda packaging. Even better, someone turned off the lights in the observation room so it's nice and dark. Awesome. Now let's crank up the heat, bring on the turkey and wine and tuck me in for the night.
On the bright side, there's only 5 hours to go.
On the bright side, there's only 5 hours to go.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
From hell's heart Hulk stab at thee
I saw this while reading Flog! (the Fantagraphics blog) and it tugged at my heartstrings: it's 2 pages from a circa 1979 issue of "The Incredible Hulk" in which the jade giant learns a valuable lesson about...helping beached whales, I guess. I'm sure you'll agree that the panel in which he sees his own rage-fueled visage in the reflection of the helpless whale's eye is graphic storytelling at it's most gripping and powerful.
As always, click to embiggen.
As always, click to embiggen.
wtf?
It's Thanksgiving. I'm sure it is. The calendar says so, I didn't have to go to work, my wife served up a turkey, and there was a big parade on TV this morning.
And yet - I can find no James Bond marathon on TV. I've repeatedly scoured the DirecTV listings, to no avail. Is nothing sacred?
And yet - I can find no James Bond marathon on TV. I've repeatedly scoured the DirecTV listings, to no avail. Is nothing sacred?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Khaaaaaaaaan!
Today is Ricardo Montalban's 88th birthday. You may remember him as Mr. Rourke in "Fantasy Island," but he'll always be Khan Noonien Singh to me.
And, because it never gets old, I strongly urge you to click here.
And, because it never gets old, I strongly urge you to click here.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
This make me very happy
Thanks to the magic of you tube and a Milwaukeean that still owns a VCR, I am able to relive and share with you a fine commercial from my adolescence. My friends and I used to howl at this spot when it aired constantly on weekday afternoons way back in 1981. Enjoy.
Why was I looking for this? What - you've never gone to you tube and entered "sulu transit commercial?" Liar.
Actually, if you'll cast your weary gaze up this blog's masthead, you'll notice it contains a quote from the commercial. I like to change up the subheads frequently ("Keep 'em guessin!" I always say), and the other day this popped into my head and I wrote in in there. Then tonight I thought "I can't be the only one who remembers this commercial, can I?" Turns out I was not the only one.
Thank you, interwebs. Thank you very much.
Why was I looking for this? What - you've never gone to you tube and entered "sulu transit commercial?" Liar.
Actually, if you'll cast your weary gaze up this blog's masthead, you'll notice it contains a quote from the commercial. I like to change up the subheads frequently ("Keep 'em guessin!" I always say), and the other day this popped into my head and I wrote in in there. Then tonight I thought "I can't be the only one who remembers this commercial, can I?" Turns out I was not the only one.
Thank you, interwebs. Thank you very much.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Cosell redux
I was listening to the Packers / Bears game on the radio today, when I heard former Packer and "color" guy Larry McCarren refer to the Packers offensive line after a successful running play as "a human phalanx."
Nice. The wife and I looked at each other and laughed fairly hard. Now I don't want to speak for Larry, but I'm assuming he was referring to the rectangular mass military formation that originated from ancient Greek warfare, and not the bone structure of the human hands and feet, or The Lebanese Kataeb Party (Kataeb is Arabic for Phalanx), nor the North American Phalanx, a utopian community organized on proto-communist Fourierist principles.
Then again, Maybe Larry was channeling dear, departed Howard? A fella can dream, can't he?
Nice. The wife and I looked at each other and laughed fairly hard. Now I don't want to speak for Larry, but I'm assuming he was referring to the rectangular mass military formation that originated from ancient Greek warfare, and not the bone structure of the human hands and feet, or The Lebanese Kataeb Party (Kataeb is Arabic for Phalanx), nor the North American Phalanx, a utopian community organized on proto-communist Fourierist principles.
Then again, Maybe Larry was channeling dear, departed Howard? A fella can dream, can't he?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Getting in touch with your inner chimp
So you've probably been asking yourself: how can I transform myself into a chimpanzee version of Abe Lincoln for Halloween? It's simple - provided you possess skill, diligence and the willingness to sit there for a couple of hours basically gluing hunks of foam latex onto your face.
First, I started with a lightweight foam latex chimpanzee facial appliance I found on the internet for $45. This was a pretty lightweight, detailed, nicely-made appliance.
A facial appliance is not a full-head mask, as you can plainly see above. Instead, it is made of flexible, lightweight foam latex, which allows for detail, movement and actor expression. The edges are fairly thin to allow blending to the skin. In Hollywood make-up has been done like this for decades, and in fact, this appliance is very similar to what John Chambers used on "Planet of the Apes."
Then, I found a pair of monkey ears at another website for $7. These were sorta rubbery and cheap.
The appliance came as one whole piece, but the night before I cut it into 3 pieces: the brow, the muzzle and the chin. I did this to allow for greater facial movement and to allow for less stress on the spirit gum adhesive, knowing that I was going to be wearing it for the night (I wore the applied piece for about 8 hours). Also, in my "Making Of Planet of the Apes" book, pictures show the on-set appliances cut up in this fashion, so I reasoned it was a good idea. Before cutting it into section though, I pre-painted the piece in order to get greater detail in the wrinkles and also so that I was putting less stress on the pieces once they were affixed. Getting the ears to match color-wise was a pain, as they were already painted dark and made of a different material than the facial appliance, so the make-up looked different on them. But I managed to make it work.
The next day I applied the 3 sections using spirit gum. I did the brow first, then the nose / muzzle / cheek portion, and then the chin. I then used layers of liquid latex to hide any seams and blend the outer edges to my face.
Then I applied make-up to my skin, blending it to match the pre-painted appliance. Then I stuck on my beard and donned the Abe Lincoln tunic and hat (the beard, hat and topcoat-shirt-tunic thing came together as an "Abe Lincoln in a bag" costume for $35), and presto - Ape Lincoln was born.
There you have it. I really enjoyed doing it, as "Planet of the Apes" has been an obsession of mine since I was a wee lad. And the pieces moved really well together - I was able to drink many beers easily (using a straw), and even managed to eat nachos and two corn dogs. And undergoing this whole process, which allowed me to accurately duplicate something that landed with a thud in my young brain and never left, cemented a certain thought in my head. And that thought is this:
The world has never been in a shittier state, but it has never been greater, either.
What I mean by that is: War, famine and strife seem to be our constant companions. Our economy is in the crapper. Weather systems grow increasingly more extreme, harsh and destructive. Greed runs rampant and colors our every move, and our government rushes to bail-out bankers who made stupid decisions of their own accord while the ranks of the homeless, unemployed and uninsured swell. And yet - I can click a button on my computer, and for a mere $45 someone will mail me a foam facial appliance of a chimpanzee that utilizes the same technology that somebody used to win an Academy Award with back in 1969. Amazing.
First, I started with a lightweight foam latex chimpanzee facial appliance I found on the internet for $45. This was a pretty lightweight, detailed, nicely-made appliance.
A facial appliance is not a full-head mask, as you can plainly see above. Instead, it is made of flexible, lightweight foam latex, which allows for detail, movement and actor expression. The edges are fairly thin to allow blending to the skin. In Hollywood make-up has been done like this for decades, and in fact, this appliance is very similar to what John Chambers used on "Planet of the Apes."
Then, I found a pair of monkey ears at another website for $7. These were sorta rubbery and cheap.
The appliance came as one whole piece, but the night before I cut it into 3 pieces: the brow, the muzzle and the chin. I did this to allow for greater facial movement and to allow for less stress on the spirit gum adhesive, knowing that I was going to be wearing it for the night (I wore the applied piece for about 8 hours). Also, in my "Making Of Planet of the Apes" book, pictures show the on-set appliances cut up in this fashion, so I reasoned it was a good idea. Before cutting it into section though, I pre-painted the piece in order to get greater detail in the wrinkles and also so that I was putting less stress on the pieces once they were affixed. Getting the ears to match color-wise was a pain, as they were already painted dark and made of a different material than the facial appliance, so the make-up looked different on them. But I managed to make it work.
The next day I applied the 3 sections using spirit gum. I did the brow first, then the nose / muzzle / cheek portion, and then the chin. I then used layers of liquid latex to hide any seams and blend the outer edges to my face.
Then I applied make-up to my skin, blending it to match the pre-painted appliance. Then I stuck on my beard and donned the Abe Lincoln tunic and hat (the beard, hat and topcoat-shirt-tunic thing came together as an "Abe Lincoln in a bag" costume for $35), and presto - Ape Lincoln was born.
There you have it. I really enjoyed doing it, as "Planet of the Apes" has been an obsession of mine since I was a wee lad. And the pieces moved really well together - I was able to drink many beers easily (using a straw), and even managed to eat nachos and two corn dogs. And undergoing this whole process, which allowed me to accurately duplicate something that landed with a thud in my young brain and never left, cemented a certain thought in my head. And that thought is this:
The world has never been in a shittier state, but it has never been greater, either.
What I mean by that is: War, famine and strife seem to be our constant companions. Our economy is in the crapper. Weather systems grow increasingly more extreme, harsh and destructive. Greed runs rampant and colors our every move, and our government rushes to bail-out bankers who made stupid decisions of their own accord while the ranks of the homeless, unemployed and uninsured swell. And yet - I can click a button on my computer, and for a mere $45 someone will mail me a foam facial appliance of a chimpanzee that utilizes the same technology that somebody used to win an Academy Award with back in 1969. Amazing.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Ape Lincoln
Torn from today's election season headlines and just in time for Halloween, a stately Ape Lincoln showed up in the Blogfoot offices last week. He pressed the flesh and delivered a uplifting stump speech, gently assuring us that life for humans under his rule on Planet of the Abes wouldn't be so bad (click on pics to embiggen).
Some politicians kiss babies, Ape Lincoln hugs puppies.Later I will post more pics, revealing just how I skillfully brought this creation to staggering life for a mere $100 or so.
Monday, November 03, 2008
This is not a can of paint
You could be forgiven for thinking that it was paint. It certainly looks like a gallon of high-quality, weather-resistant enamel. But no - this is a large can of cheese. Liquid cheese in a giant coffee can, as poured over nachos at a Halloween party I attended the other night. Yum.
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