I cut through the downtown Macy's yesterday on my way to meet a buddy for lunch, and as I passed by the men's shoe department I beheld something that violently grabbed my eyeballs and started raping them. Was it?...could it be?...Ye gods, it is! A display for colored docksides / deck shoes! They're back for the attack, and they're available in green, yellow and red, so you're assured of getting a color that will offend someone.
A wave of sensations washed over me: disbelief, anger, fear, nausea...then, after I finished beating the salesman who asked if I wanted to try a pair on within an inch of his shabby life, I started to coolly access the situation. Obviously someone would want these things, or a company wouldn't have made them, and a large chain department store wouldn't have bought them. But who? And why?
Suddenly I had the answer: an asshole would want them, plain and simple. So then the ad guy in me took over, and I decided to write some taglines for the relaunch of these grosteque abortions. Blogfoot readers are encouraged to pen their own and submit them to the comments section. Here's some to get you started.
"Sperry Top Siders - It's time to be a prick again."
"Sperry Top Siders - For those who attended the fancy summer camp in 'Meatballs.'"
"Sperry Top Siders - Asshole Spoken Here."
Have fun, Blogfoot readers.