Wednesday, February 13, 2008
What it would be like to fight George Kennedy, circa 1971 or thereabouts.
1.) George takes umbrage at some smart-ass remark you made and suggests you pipe down.
2.) You push it, and George stares at you while slowly removing his shirt. Although not "cut" or "ripped" by today's standards, George is beefy enough for you to suspect that you may have made a mistake in provoking him.
3.) You circle each other as a crowd gathers.
4.) You decide it's best to try and draw first blood, and put everything you got into a punch aimed at George's stomach, which to you appears to be a weak spot, as he has no detectable stomach muscles.
5.) Your punch connects. To your horror, you discover that his stomach is not flabby, but instead quite firm.
6.) George says "That tickles, boy!" then wallops you with an uppercut that sends you sprawling. The crowd cheers wildly.
7.) You stagger to your feet and wipe the blood of your chin. George looks no worse for wear. You decide to launch another attack, hurling yourself at him. You grab him around the waist and attempt to push him backwards. He does not yield.
8.) George brings his fists together above his head and forcefully brings them down on your back, Captain Kirk-style. You collapse in the dirt. Again, the crowd cheers.
9.) You try and get up, but you're on rubber leg street. George tells you to stay down. Defiantly, you stand up.
10.) George mercifully ends things, landing a haymaker that knocks you out. He stands over your vanquished husk, seemingly joyless in his victory.
11.) You and George go out drinking afterwards.