Sunday, March 26, 2006

Ask your doctor about Post-Cinematic Couch Disorder


Last weekend I had my first day off in what seemed like eons, and Mrs. Blogfoot and I laid around the house, whiling the Saturday away by flipping through channel after DirecTV channel ( far superior to “digital” cable by the way, which is actually an analog signal compressed and sent digitally, then unscrambled back to analog and shown in all its inferior glory on your TV, but sold to the uninformed masses as digital ), when we saw that “Jaws” was about to start on AMC. We then proceeded to watch the whole thing, commercials and all.

The fact that we watched it in its entirety even though we’ve both seen this fine film umpteen times wasn’t in and of itself that big a deal. What was weird is that I own the movie on DVD. I could watch it with better picture and sound quality, and without commercials, anytime I choose.

A quick poll of friends confirmed that I am not the only one to suffer from “Post-Cinematic Relaxed Disorder”, the inexplicable watching on TV of a movie you own. It primarily strikes men, although women will sometimes fall prey to it, mainly due to being in close proximity to the male victim. Programming executives at TBS are obviously well aware of this syndrome, as evidenced by “The Shawshank Redemption” being shown 24/7 on their channel.

Related disorders include “Uncle Buck-itis”, wherein the stricken viewer will always stop and watch a movie that’s really not that great, kinda OK at best, but somehow holds sway over you. There’s also “Staying Alive-atosis”, named after the execrable 1983 sequel to “Saturday Night Fever”, which differs in that it is a very bad movie that repeatedly sinks its talons into you.

Those of you who are too cheap to pop for cable / satellite will probably not be aware of this affliction. I pity you. Readers with creative inclinations are encouraged to submit their own names for the disease so that I may swipe them.

13 comments:

Mister Tan said...

Hello my name is Sam, I suffer from this disorder too.

The only difference is that I don't have cable and I will watch My Cousin Vinny or the Fifth Element in full srceen pan and scan with bad reception.

Ann said...

Now I don't feel bad for watching Office Space on TV the past couple weekends.Thanks Mr and Mrs Blogfoot!

BlogFoot said...

Helping others...applying a soothing balm to society's wounds...commiserating with the like-minded...this is what Blogfoot is all about.

Ann said...

How can the madness be stopped? Is ther a cure? What about old sitcom reruns? Just this past weekend I was forced to watch an episode of M*A*S*H. I think every man woman and child in America has seen every single episode. And yet I was forced by friends (plural!)to suffer though an episode. You know the episode, it is freezing cold in Korea and Klinger sits outside in his underwear refusing to come in, but STILL didn't get the section 8 he was bucking for. It was painful, and the pain still lingers long after Klinger saved the day by donating his B+ blood to save some poor GI.

blogfoot bro said...

Can I claim this illness if I change cable to dvd and bad movie to the same porn disc I have had for 8 years?

BlogFoot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blogshoe said...

Hello my name is Blogshoe, I suffer from this disorder too.

I am not as badly afflicted as Blogfoot though. My encounter was a temporary Nightmare before Christmasorrhage. It was brief but left me dizzy.

To avoid other cases of this type of disease, I refuse to purchase movies I would enjoy like Stripes and Groundhogs Day. The purchase of those movies would certainly lead to Stripesclerosis or Groundhogs Dayoma.

Good luck Blogfoot.

BlogFoot said...

Blogshoe,

Hopefully it's of some comfort to you to know that you are not alone. I think "Stripes" is a movie that many men would put on their 'danger' list.

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Golda said...

I fear I suffer from this affliction.
I shamed myself, though, when I shimmied around the house whilst stomping me feet and shouting YA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DIME.

It was Fiddler-on-the-Roofitis
I need help.

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