Monday, March 20, 2006
Why are there no handsome bums?
Ladies, the next time you see a panhandler, ask yourself: social status and hygiene notwithstanding, would I bang this guy? The answer is no. Because there are no handsome bums.
Why not? Surely attractive people fail? But blogfoot surmises that if you are attractive enough to be deemed handsome, you have a certain sway over people, and this sway (loosely defined for our purposes here as ’charisma’, which admittedly can be a different beast altogether) will prevent you from completely slipping through society’s cracks. Someone will always want to date you, hang out with you, hire you, have you around, etc. Blogfoot believes that Freud was dead-on when he said “Anatomy is destiny.” In other words, good looks can always be coasted upon.
If wrong, this theory should be easy to disprove, given the penetration of camera cell phones these days. Readers are encouraged to snap pictures of any bums they would classify as handsome, hot, boneable, etc, and send them to us. If this makes you feel like a mean person, you are certainly encouraged to give the subject a buck for their trouble. You should occasionally do this sort of thing anyways.