The moustache is coming back

Recent articles online would have you believe that this is indeed the case, citing young New Yorkers who are strutting around with hair on their upper lips as they follow a "comeback trail blazed by such hip role models as actor Nicholas Cage and the ultra-trendy fashion photographer Terry Richardson." I wasn't aware Nic Cage was a role model for anything except for how to tirelessly urinate on the memory of a once-promising career, but whatever.

This is an oxcart of fragrant horseshit. Every 5 years or so some scrawny male runway model sports a moustache while modeling some clothes no one you know will every buy, and suddently the media wets itself claiming that moustaches are back. Listen: people in New York City do lots of weird shit. It doesn't mean it's going to be a trend. They pay $2500 a month to share 450 square feet of living space with a roommate, and no one's tripping over themselves to imitate that.

Moustaches will never again be anything more than an ironic accessory for this simple fact: if you have a moustache and you're under the age of 55 and not a celebrity or cop, you are going to have a hard time getting women to sleep with you. Therein lies the secret of the workings of the world.