Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Shaq is going to mumble you your Miranda rights
Giant, unintelligible basketball star Shaquille O'Neal has recently become a reserve police officer for the Miami Beach police department. Apparently he will be working as an investigator with the child pornography unit. I can also see him becoming a crack undercover operative. No one would ever recognize a 7' tall dude in a mustard-colored suit with a bowler hat. Just slap a fake moustache on him and watch the arrests pile up.
This is a lot of work for nothing. I mean, this guy is huge. Does he really need a badge to get people to listen to him? I think not. He should just drive around in his Escalade with one of those cheap police scanners from Radio Shack (which he endorses, by the way, except I'm sure he calls it 'Radio Shaq'), and when he finds some shit going down, he could just hop out with a 2x4 and get to work. You know, like Sheriff Buford Pusser in