Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Shaq is going to mumble you your Miranda rights


Giant, unintelligible basketball star Shaquille O'Neal has recently become a reserve police officer for the Miami Beach police department. Apparently he will be working as an investigator with the child pornography unit. I can also see him becoming a crack undercover operative. No one would ever recognize a 7' tall dude in a mustard-colored suit with a bowler hat. Just slap a fake moustache on him and watch the arrests pile up.

This is a lot of work for nothing. I mean, this guy is huge. Does he really need a badge to get people to listen to him? I think not. He should just drive around in his Escalade with one of those cheap police scanners from Radio Shack (which he endorses, by the way, except I'm sure he calls it 'Radio Shaq'), and when he finds some shit going down, he could just hop out with a 2x4 and get to work. You know, like Sheriff Buford Pusser in
"Walking Tall."

4 comments:

blogfoot bro said...

Through the anoniminity provided by the internet, Shaq can make a difference, I wish all of our mega-rich sports celebs would pose as a 13 year old girls dying to get it on with middle age creepy dudes

BlogFoot said...

I would very much like to see an elite crime squad made up of former NBAers...but bums / second tier ones: Frank Brickowski, Jon Konkac, Will Perdue...that'd be nice.

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