Thursday, June 15, 2006

Screech says that he's hung like a pack mule and broke


Dustin Diamond, aka "Screech" from the torn-from-the-headlines 90's teen sitcom "Saved By The Bell," appeared on Howard Stern's radio show the other day, wherein he claimed to have a 10" penis. He also said that his house in Wisconsin is being foreclosed on (my sources tell me it's in Milwaukee. That's apro po, somehow), so he's peddling poorly-designed "I helped Save Screech's House" t-shirts online to raise some loot.

Last month Wilma or Wilmer Valderawhatshisname from the incredibly lame and terrible yet-inexplicably-long-lasting "That 70's Show" also appeared on Howard Stern claiming to have a huge schlong. Hmmm...I'm sensing a pattern here. You're on a nationally broadcast radio show, and the host asks you how big your honker is. Do you A) admit that you're under 6 inches erect, or B.) lie and claim that even XXL undewear is too constrictive to properly house your knee-slapping appendage?

I wonder...who was the first dude to brag about / exaggerate their penis size? A member of the senate in ancient Rome? A caveman? A foppish 17th century dandy? It was probably the first person who could speak. A four-pack of Red Bull goes to any intrepid reader who can provide some solid insight into this question.

If you're feeling altruistic, you can visit Mr Diamond's website here. Although I strongly encourage you to donate to a worthy, non-ironic charity instead.

9 comments:

Brett said...

That's Ironic. About 5 years ago I was sitting at home channel surfing when I spotted Dustin Diamond sporting a goatee on Star Dates. He only made it 10 minutes into the date before he asked her if she thought size was important. After she tried to evade the subject he continued to probe asking her if length or girth was more important. When she answered girth, Dustin replied, "That's good, because I'm hung like a tuna can."

BlogFoot said...

Jesus. That's terrifying.

blogfoot bro said...

That would explain it, all the blood flow that should be feeding his brain apparently has been diverted. His brain has been starved for oxygen since puberty, he really is a moron, which explains the foreclosure and the career based on saved by the bell.
That goodness for my extra blood I recieve, it saves me from that.

Ann said...

Didn't he beat the snot out of Horschack on that pseudo celebrity fight show?

Anonymous said...

If you really believe that his penis is 10 inches then you are one gullible motherfucker. Any dude can claim to have a big dick, but that doesn't mean he really has one. They say the average penis size is 6 inches, but if you just asked men on TV what size their penis was then the average answer would probably be over 8 inches. Complete Bullshit.

BlogFoot said...

Precisely why I will soon be getting stinking rich from the sale of my trademarked "Ask me About My Horsecock" t-shirts.

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