Thursday, June 15, 2006
Screech says that he's hung like a pack mule and broke
Dustin Diamond, aka "Screech" from the torn-from-the-headlines 90's teen sitcom "Saved By The Bell," appeared on Howard Stern's radio show the other day, wherein he claimed to have a 10" penis. He also said that his house in Wisconsin is being foreclosed on (my sources tell me it's in Milwaukee. That's apro po, somehow), so he's peddling poorly-designed "I helped Save Screech's House" t-shirts online to raise some loot.
Last month Wilma or Wilmer Valderawhatshisname from the incredibly lame and terrible yet-inexplicably-long-lasting "That 70's Show" also appeared on Howard Stern claiming to have a huge schlong. Hmmm...I'm sensing a pattern here. You're on a nationally broadcast radio show, and the host asks you how big your honker is. Do you A) admit that you're under 6 inches erect, or B.) lie and claim that even XXL undewear is too constrictive to properly house your knee-slapping appendage?
I wonder...who was the first dude to brag about / exaggerate their penis size? A member of the senate in ancient Rome? A caveman? A foppish 17th century dandy? It was probably the first person who could speak. A four-pack of Red Bull goes to any intrepid reader who can provide some solid insight into this question.
If you're feeling altruistic, you can visit Mr Diamond's website here. Although I strongly encourage you to donate to a worthy, non-ironic charity instead.