Saturday, November 11, 2006
Ah-oo-ga! Ah-oo-ga! Bigfoot spotted in Wisconsin!
The sleepy state of Wisconsin (and indeed, the world as a whole) was rocked recently by a report concerning a Wisconsin DNR employee who swears that Bigfoot stole a deer carcass out of his truck.
The incident happened this Thursday in the Holy Hill area of Washington County, about an hour northwest of Milwaukee. A man contracted by the Department of Natural Resources to pick up road kill came to the Washington County Sheriff's Department to report that a "7-foot-tall animal" had taken a deer out of the back of his pickup truck at about 1 a.m. Thursday, Sheriff Brian Rahn said.
According to the report, the man loaded a deer carcass into the back of his truck on Highway 167 near Station Way, got into the cab and prepared to drive away when a large black animal, very wide and larger than a bear, jumped into the back of his pickup and dragged out the carcass he had just loaded.
Why would Bigfoot do this, you ask? Simple, you moron. Deer liver is a staple of the Bigfoot diet. It's packed with vitamins, although in such concentrated doses that it would be poisonous to a human. But to a much larger creature like Bigfoot, it makes for fine eating. Deer carcasses are found all over the country with their livers missing but the rest of the innards intact. This is because Bigfoot is eating them. It's true.
Blogfoot still maintains friendships with people in the Milwaukee area, and as such, operatives have been dispatched to the scene to collect evidence and report findings. However, these same operatives (you know who you are) should be ashamed that they didn't notify me of this epoch-shattering story in the first place, as I stumbled upon it on my own. Frankly, I'm sickened.
You can read the official (albeit short) account here.
There's also a video of the story that I couldn't get to work.